Where Am I At?


Hi everyone, it’s me MAX! This post is all about me.. I know it scares me too. It’s #1 of 5 posts that I picked from a list. See below the list I am working through!

Where Am I At
A Day in My Life
MY 5 Favorite Things To Do
An Interview with Someone You Admire
Music Playlist Post

You must weed your mind as you would weed your garden

Astrid Alauda

I have been busy…with my life and my inner thoughts. The obvious overpowering thoughts about ageing, reduced physical strength, my career path, and the everyday struggles of fitting everything I have to do … in where it belongs.


I accepted a new temp position at work. One that I think will be exciting but also a big change.

  • 1. It’s in a day program which means day shifts only! (have been doing afternoons in residential for years)
  • 2. It’s only 4 days a week. (Fridays off!)
  • 3. A lot more people. (80+ people/day not 4!)

This position is a temp contract for 18 months so not too short but not too long either. I just don’t know when I will be starting, due to some internal complications within our agency. Hopefully this gets sorted soon but I’m guessing I will be waiting another month before I start.


I like to think of my self as healthy. I don’t have any diseases and my mind works pretty good…. most of the time. LoL! I do have pinched nerves in my neck. These pest-y nerves seem to get mad at me a lot lately. Every time I do any kind of physical activity, or repetitive action for a length of time including sitting, working on computer, reading a book, holding or moving things chest level or above my shoulders (All the things I love), I end up with tingling, shooting pain and pins & needles in my neck, shoulders, down arm and in my hand. Strength training is needed but my nerves often cause me more pain and headaches when I do exercise or just do things I love/need to do. It’s a catch 22 right now. I was getting stronger and less pain a year and bit ago, but that path was derailed (temporally) due to a cyst on my back. Which is finally being removed in 2 weeks! Of course the day before my birthday…. but than I can start my new year fresh!

Home Front

The snow is almost all gone. I have started some seeds. See post here! We have decided on a few new projects for the property. One being to extend the upper deck to make room for a hot tub. (For health reasons!) A few up grades will be done to chicken coup including a new roof, outside covered overhang and perhaps a divided outside pen. Of course I always have plants to move, divide and change within my gardens! Hopefully we will be able to do a solid walkway from parking area to front porch as it is currently grass and mud, but this may be later in summer. I would also like to look further into getting a few alpacas. The field has been very empty since our goats moved on.

Seeds Are Growing


I actually love to exercise! I am not good at it but I enjoy it. I signed up for a 30 day challenge with Betty Rocker. Unfortunately I was derailed because of time, and needing to listen to my body. I hope to start back at it Tomorrow! A big sigh… really going to try for Tomorrow.

Easter Weekend

Today is Good Friday! I have 4 whole days off in a row. Today is cleaning day…yup my family are slob!. I also plan to bake some pies and butter tarts for Easter. Tomorrow I am cooking Turkey! We are having a small family dinner; my mother in law, oldest son and his family (my 2 grand-kids!), husband, my 16 and 18 year old boys. Sunday will be laundry, leftovers and what ever else comes up!

Easter Fun!

Inner thoughts

Well I can’t say for sure what they are… because they are all over the place right now. Definitely a lot of all the above categories and more. However I do know that age seems to be popping up a lot in this head of mine. I have a birthday coming… in 2 weeks! I have always felt age is just a number….but with my reduced strength, increased headaches and being the oldest one at work now (how did that happen?), it’s definitely in my mess of thoughts.

I want to do so many things now and in the future, but wonder if my body will let me? My thoughts drift back to a conversation I had with my grandma (Who loved to do everything creative and basically was a doer.) as she asked me to help her sit up in her bed more upright. She was in a nursing home. We talked about how it sucked that her mind wanted to keep doing things and how she missed being able to craft, knit, and clean…yup clean! The funny thing was that I was a new mom again and felt frustrated because I couldn’t do all these same things that I love to do either, but for me it was because of time… not physical ability. Although I felt similar in that moment I could see how bad it felt knowing that you couldn’t do what you wanted to do ever again. My grandma wanted to do… not just sit or lay down and watch tv! Just her body wasn’t letting her do any on these things… and she felt that this was hell on Earth. We both agreed that loosing our mind as we age would be better for us rather than loosing our bodies ability to do things. We just don’t always have a choice in this decision.

Which brings me to my inner thoughts. My nerves are pinched regularly by bones, muscles and who knows what else…but the result is the same, they cause pain, cause me to drop things and agitate many other internal body connections including arthritis especially in my hands and thumbs. The parts I need most to be able to do… what I love and what I need to do to stay active.

These inner thoughts have power especially when I have seen first hand how frustrating they can be when you can’t do the things you want to do. I am also beginning to feel like this is an invisible disability because others don’t understand or feel the pain and thus they believe that I am slacking or becoming lazy. I too believe I am slacking and becoming lazy until I convince myself in doing these things and then I suffer in pain for days!

More reasons I have in working on me, physically, mentally and especially emotionally. As my body is only as good as my mind thinks it is!


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